Word Vomit

I’ve always had a fascination with words. I was the child on the playground who sat on the swings during recess, perfectly content with a book in my hands. I was the middle schooler who got very very excited for that language arts project where you wrote and illustrated an entire book yourself. I am drawn to libraries and office bookshelves, finding myself distracted by book titles. Maybe that’s why I tilt my head so often. Anyways, I love words. I love reading them, writing them, saying them, singing them. Love them.

I suppose you could consider me a writer, especially now that I have a blog (woo!). I am an external processor, so my brain simply functions better when all these words are outside my head, rather than circling inside. It usually ends up being much more beneficial for me than anyone else involved. I do this thing that I call “word vomiting”. Now, word vomiting is when I am asked a simple question or presented with an idea and I just talk. In these situations I usually offer much more thought or words than expected (or necessary, for that matter). I do it a lot when I’m nervous (cue awkward memories of confessing romantic feelings to boys) or when I’m tired (cue fun memories of late night conversations). I even do it when my brain isn’t altered by hormones or exhaustion.

Now that we have that explained, know that a lot of this blog will be word vomit. I will post ramblings and rants that will have nearly no basis other than the fact that someone said “the past is the past” in a certain tone of voice that day. Yet, here you are reading it. Sometimes the word vomit makes sense, so hopefully that is what will end up on here. I’ve heard that the word vomit can be beautiful sometimes, practically poetry. I’ll confess, I’ve found song lyrics in my paragraph text messages or random rants written in the notes app in my phone. I’ve based stories and songs off of word vomit before. Maybe I’ll put some of that up here on the inter web. I hope that if you are reading my blog posts that you get something from my words. If it’s the fact that I’m insane, then at least you learned something. But I think I secretly hope you’ll learn that you’re not alone, you are loved, and there is beauty in the world. Even if that beauty is found in someone’s word vomit.

Fearless Pursuit: an idea, a blog.

So, just like every other student who has gone to study off campus, I started a blog. In case you didn’t know, I am studying at a small music school in Nashville, TN for this spring semester! Rad, right? Anyways, here I am, starting the typical off campus study blog. However, rather than using it to record all the incredible things I do I want to use it as a creative outlet. I might mention some of my escapades and adventures here in Nashville, but for the most part I want to be able to write about whatever is on my heart and mind. Quite honestly, posts could be about anything from writing music to God experiences to a joke I thought of. Mostly, I want to talk about being fearless.

As a teenager I quickly became aware of my own fearsome tendencies. I latched onto the Bible verse 2 Timothy 1:7 as a child and I still cling to it today. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” There are days that I have to whisper this verse under my breath constantly. There are days when I only think of it once or twice. But I still think of it every day. Every day. This is so important to me that I have it tattooed on my body. We are not meant to live in fear.

So, what did I do with this knowledge, this inherent nagging that fear is not a part of me? I have begun, day by day, to tell fear that it has no place in my life. Some days are harder than others, but some days are full of victory. One victory is this semester. I was terrified to even apply and audition for the CMC program. What if I didn’t get in? What if I did? Was I good enough? Could I even do this?

My dad has this question, a saying, if you will. What would you do if you were not afraid? What would you do if you were not afraid? I ask myself that question multiple times a day, chanting it like a mantra. Sometimes it makes decisions easier, sometimes it makes them harder. So, when I was looking into the CMC I decided to choose my dreams over my fear. I made a fearless choice. And I got accepted, drove down to Nashville, and here I am. I am in Nashville, living in music full time for the semester. I am in fearless pursuit of what sets my soul on fire.