A lot has been happening in my life lately, and I sort of forgot about my blog so many of you may not know about it all. So I suppose this is supposed to be a catch up post, telling you all about what I’ve been up to. And it is one of those, but instead of telling you what I’ve been doing I am going to tell you what I have been feeling.
Surrounded. I felt so surrounded by my family and loved ones when I came home from Nashville. I went on tour, came home, and got to go on vacation with some of my favorite people in the world- my family. They surrounded me and lifted me up, supporting me and loving me, making me laugh like no one else does.
Apprehensive. I was nervous, I’ll admit, to live at home again for a time. Yet, here I am, living with my family for the first time in three years and wondering how I will ever survive when I have to go back to school in two months. I had nothing to do, but now have a wonderful job and music to work on. Which brings me to…
Excited. I practically burst with excitement when I started the process of producing an ep with the songs I wrote while I was in Nash! And then I booked my own show in a coffee shop, I was so excited to make a setlist and practice and play my music for my Minnesotans. But then…
Disappointed. My show didn’t have the turnout I wanted, honestly. I was very hopeful because of the great responses online and great feedback from those who made it. However, in my time in Nash not taking tests or writing papers I had overlooked the detail that my show was during finals week. Oops.
Purposeless. I am putting my heart on my sleeve with this one. I felt purposeless for a majority of the beginning of the summer. I was working on my music, yeah, working most days, yeah, but it was lacking the Jesus-driven purpose that my summers working at camp were filled with. I was confused for a long time. I am learning to bloom where I am planted, to serve where I can, and to love those who cross my path daily.
Anxious. These last few weeks have uprooted a lot of my own expectations and plans for my future. I have learned that I graduate college in December. I have no plans. People who were close to me have drifted away. I have leaned heavily on my support system. I am looking at a future that is unknown and I am learning to trust my Shepherd in that.
Freckly. I have spent hours upon hours in the sun so far this summer. Working at a garden center has taught me a lot about water, plants, and bugs. And sunscreen. I have cursed and blessed the sun within the same hour. I love being in God’s creation every day, even if it means some weird bug bites.
Anticipatory. I feel changes coming in my life, like I am walking straight towards a fork in the road. Many opportunities have come into my life or are standing on the edges of possibility for me, making the future look both exhilarating and foreboding. God is preparing me, gently guiding me as a shepherd does his sheep.
And finally, I am happy. I get to spend mornings sipping chai tea with my mom, evenings having dinner with my family. My dad is teaching me how to drive stick shift. I get to watch my sister play soccer while holding the other sister’s hand. I get to visit my brother at camp, which is ever home to me. I have many opportunities upcoming, I am speaking at a conference for high schoolers in Colorado and I am working on my debut EP. I have many reasons to smile every day, and most of them have names. I feel close to my family, close to my God, and close to my heart. I am living my summer day by day. And I am loving it.