I honestly don’t know how I have avoided hitting a deer with my car. Many people have told me I’m a horrible driver, yet I somehow retain the cleanest driving record in my family. I love the idea of deer in the headlights though, I think it is a very accurate way of describing that feeling. You know it, right? When you have no idea what you’re doing or you are thrown into a new situation by surprise? When your wide eyes are full of the sight of a truck hurtling towards you? Confession time: I’ve felt that a few times this past week here in Nash.
I have never been to Tennessee and I’ve never attended a music school. I’ve never had access to this kind of gear or these opportunities. I’ve never played my music for people this often or when it’s this raw and newly written. I’ve never had a steady requirement of performing my stuff every couple weeks. So, here I am, deer in the headlights in Nashville as I begin a program that very well could change my life and music career.
Now, deer in the headlights can be viewed as a type of fear. It very well may be for some people, there is a bit of fear in the realization of what is coming. But is the unknown really any scarier? Would it be scarier to cross a road in the dark, not knowing when the next car could crest the hill and blast you into oblivion or standing in the street with destruction staring you down with it’s headlights? I don’t have the answer for you, fear is a very personal thing. Truthfully, I am not sure they are all that different. There is fear either way, does it matter where it’s coming from? Maybe.
I have this thing about fear. I am very acquainted with fear and my own personal tendencies to return to it again and again. It’s my vice, if you will. I’ll probably talk about it quite a bit on this blog, but that is because I think it is important. Confronting fear is the best thing I have ever done in my life. Choosing Jesus over fear is the best decision I have ever and will ever make. And believe me, it is a decision I continue to make each and every day. Each time is the new best decision I’ve ever made.
When I was a child I struggled with my imagination each night, staring at shadows and seeing monsters, scaring myself enough that I must not have been sleeping. One particularly rough night my dad pointed me to 2 Timothy 1:7-“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” It’s so clear! We were not made to be afraid, fear is not from God. The verse quickly became my mantra and life verse, leading to a tattoo on my lower right calf. I remind myself of it constantly.
Faith over fear. Faith is stronger. Faith is perseverant. Faith is reliable and true. Faith is based in my God. My God who is the mighty, all-powerful, all-knowing Creator of the universe. And He loves me. He formed me to be of love and power and self-control, not of fear. Faith over fear.